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| Posted by: Leela B | On: Sunday, November 01, 2009 12:46:07 AM |
| I AM BENEFITTED BY THE COMMENTS OF READERS ....BUT AT TIMES I WONDER WHETHER WOMEN THEMSELVES ARE TO BE BLAMED FOR THEIR "HELPLESS & EXPLOITED" CONDITION ? |
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| Posted by: Kanakrekha Chauhan | On: Friday, June 19, 2009 5:35:42 PM |
ANEET ....ONCE IT HAPPENS THE DIL WILL ALSO " GRACEFULLY" ... IS A BIG Q. FOR ONE -IT IS UP TO HER UPBRINGING SECONDLY, SHE MIGHT NOT HAVE EQUALLY RICH/POOR MAYAKA. THE INEQUALITY IN THE SOCIAL STATUS OF THE RESPECTIVE FAMILIES PLAY UP TO PPLS' EMOTIONS. SO ITS DICEY !
IT PPL HAD SO MUCH OF 'SANTOSH' MOST OF THESE PROBS WONT RISE IN THE FIRST PLACE. |
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| Posted by: Aneet R | On: Sunday, June 14, 2009 6:26:51 PM |
if he loses something by giving it to her sister hes also going to gain something by means of her wifes share. statistically its not going to make much of a difference bcoz whatever belongs to the wife also belongs to him and the children(all his life he keeps on saying “I am doing it for my children”). so men, to hell with our LAW and WILL .ethically ,just keep sharing .its going to be something like a barter system.
also, once it happens, the daughter in law will also gracefully not mind sharing her husbands fortune with hubbys beloved behna.
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| Posted by: Arun Kaul | On: Saturday, June 13, 2009 8:39:21 PM |
| Although they r called Devi and goddess---but see our religious books--maximum torture has been done on women---this is really deplorable----this should change now---- |
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| Posted by: Ashis Das | On: Saturday, June 13, 2009 8:24:17 PM |
| Problem (sharing the property among the women i.e. sister,daughter or wife or mother) is very old & traditional. Are we trying to brake the tradition? No, we only good talking like, human being, equal distribution, equlibrium to male & female etc. for others only not for myself. In 1800, we (90%)never respect to Sri Vidyasagar (who first told there have need to lern the lesson to the women, also established many schools only for women and fight for legalise the remarriage to widow but not respectful even today). So, we the good people, we have to brake to our tradition. Good blog, Kanakji. |
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| Posted by: Kanakrekha Chauhan | On: Saturday, June 13, 2009 2:41:12 PM |
AGREE WITH JAY AND DO NOT COMPLETELY DISAGREE WITH VENKAT.
THE POINT REMAINS THAT DAUGHTERS ARE PROGRAMMED
"NOT TO EXPECT AND ASK FOR A SHARE"
IF THEY DO, THE RELATIONSHIP TURNS SOUR. EXCEPTIONS ARE THERE. MY PARENTS HAVE TWO HOUSES THEY DECDIDED LONG BACK TO GIVE AWAY ONE TO EACH -ME AND BRO.
BUT ITS NOT ABT ME N SOME MORE FORTUNATE WOMEN, ITS ABT THE WHOLE COUNTRY!
WOMEN ARE EMOTIONALLY EXPLOITED TO GIVE UP AND NOT ASK FOR THEIR SHARE. THEY ARE MADE TO BELIEVE THAT A STRON 'MAYKA' IS BETTER FOR THEM SO WHY SPLIT THE WEALTH.
AS FOR WHO WEARS THE PANTS IN THE HOUSE -VARIES FROM HOME TO HOME AND THE INDIVIDUAL PERSONALITY OF THE COUPLE. |
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| Posted by: Jayasree P | On: Saturday, June 13, 2009 2:00:10 PM |
| WELL WRITTEN,VENKAT.LOT OF INFORMATION.BUT IN MOST OF THE FAMILIES DAUGHTERS DO NOT GET THEIR DUE SHARE.IT IS A KNOWN FACT.SOME EXCEPTIONS WILL BE THERE. |
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| Posted by: Anila Ayyangar | On: Saturday, June 13, 2009 1:51:14 PM |
| @Braj,this 'Sas Bahu' and such serials should be banned from TV and Ekta Kapoor should be punished for creating such wrong ideas about a sas and bahu.Itna kahin hota nahin hai. |
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| Posted by: Venkat P S | On: Saturday, June 13, 2009 1:46:32 PM |
While the post talks about right of inheriting property by a woman, the discussions are going on in another direction. The incident quoted by Kanak is indeed sad. Though the system cannot be cleaned overnight, we ought to have discussed on certain suggestions whereas we are discussing issues like MIL-DIL, who should take care of parents in old age, women as an object of pleasure, male dominance, etc. Above all, we reconcile ourselves with lot of self-pity and say it is sheer exploitation and that the future of women is bleak !
The point referred to is well taken and I personally feel women should have a share in the family property. Years back when our grandfather died at the age of 100, we sold our ancestral properties in Kerala. My grandfather had 8 children – 4 boys and 4 girls. My father was the eldest son. Out of them, three had already passed away at the time of sale. Nevertheless, the arrangement was such that every family including the children of the deceased son/daughters too were given their share. Two years back, similar partition took place in my father-in-law’s side wherein the huge plot was earmarked to three brothers and one sister and some portion to the deceased daughter’s children. My parents have expressed their similar desire and even I too will do the same for my daughter.
The role of women is the most important factor in any family relationship. Whether we accept the fact or not, a husband is a poor soul caught between the devil and the deep sea! No managerial or leadership quality is going to help him in the institution of family where there are two keys persons to his right and left. Lot depends on his luck / fortune / god’s grace to strike a balance. I have these incidents to share :
My close friend’s family life is in total mess.. He has four sisters. His father had passed away 25 years back. Recently his mother died and he wanted to share her savings and jewellery amongst his sisters too. His wife, though employed, is against it saying that he has already spent a lot on their marriage, various social functions, on their children, etc.
Our maid servant at Coimbatore, who remained separated from her husband for last ten years with one daughter, received terminal benefits from the Collectorate on her husband’s death and the documents of the house purchased by her late husband by availing bank loan. Her MIL had filed a petition saying that they are NOT husband and wife and the maid is running from pillar to post since last one year. Thanks to my brother’s intervention and assistance by liasioning with govt. officials, things are almost settled.
Third one, being reserved for my post.
Now the ladies of BM would come out with fire saying they are not like this and that they have sacrificed / toiled / struggled etc. for their husband’s family. No denial of these …hats off to you; otherwise we wont be discussing such issues. But lets keep our mind open and realize that things like these do happen outside the world.
Before I drift away from the topic, I suggest that the women’s organizations / clubs / forum play an important role in creating awareness amongst women on their rights and provisions of important laws concerning women. Such social awareness coupled with inculcating an attitude to adhere to it, would bring social justice in this case. I am not sure, but I think couple of legal provisions have also been amended in the recent past. Family being the most important institution in any society, women have to capitalize on their role. Inheritance practices vary from place to place and religion to religion too. Women should know their rights and fight for it instead of relinquishing it and blaming the poor men for that ! Let us begin the first step by setting example in our family. I will try to make a study on this issue when I visit the districts during my next tour.
Sorry for the long comment…
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| Posted by: Jayasree P | On: Saturday, June 13, 2009 12:23:43 PM |
| @GT:I THINK ONLY IN CRETAIN COMMUNITIES LIKE 'NAIR' OR 'MENON',DAUGHTERS GET THEIR DUE SHARE.IN KERALA CHRISTIANS,SONS ONLY WILL GET ALL THE PROPERTY RIGHTS.AS KANAK HAS POINTED OUT,IT IS STILL A MALE DOMINATED SOCIETY.WE HAVE FEW EXCEPTIONS,LIKE SONIA,PRATHIBHA,ETC.BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT WOMEN ENJOY EQUAL STATUS.MOST OF THE MEN SEE WOMEN AS A COMMODITY OF PLEASURE.THEN WHERE IS THE 'DEVI' STATUS?IT IS ONLY FOR PUBLIC SPEECH. |
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| Posted by: Kanakrekha Chauhan | On: Saturday, June 13, 2009 10:55:24 AM |
ANILA - THATS PRECISELY MY POINT AND THE GIST OF THIS BLOG. ITS ONLY LIP SERVICE AND SHAM. -TALKING ABOUT OUR GREAT HERITAGE AND HOW WOMEN ARE TREATED WITH RESPECT.
AND YES I COMPLETELY AGREE THE KIDS ARE PAMPERED BEYOND LIMITS AND THATS WHY PARENTS ARE FACING SUCH ADVERSITIES. THE ONLY WAY THINGS CAN FALL INTO PLACE IS BY SHOWING COMPASSION AND RESPECT TO OUR OWN PARENTS PARENTS AND LEAD BY EXAMPLE. |
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| Posted by: Anila Ayyangar | On: Saturday, June 13, 2009 10:12:50 AM |
| I still don't understand how can a mother force the son to illtreat daughter in law unless the son is willing and a part of the plot.That means son is only matured to get married and enjoy the physical pleasures and that maturity become zero when the question of looking after his wife comes.That time he forgets comfortably everything becoming blind and deaf.Men no body can force anyone to do anything unless he himself is willing.Son beating mother is a common these days.(The other day one daughter has killed her mother also).This is a society where parents has got no saying and the dominating figure is only children.Worshipping goddess/women-Kanak what are you talking,News paper will tell you how many women are being paraded naked on the road by these men-a different way of worshipping. |
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| Posted by: Kanakrekha Chauhan | On: Saturday, June 13, 2009 12:10:05 AM |
@ Gt:
1. If the law exists in TN and Kerala, in any case such an incident wdnt have happened there.
2. It is not a question of inlcuding one more name in the will in states whr only the Paternal and Maternal property can be bequethed to the daughters and not the ancestral one. It is not much of a Black n White matter, a lot of emotional stuff goes into it. Let me talk about UP, daughters almost never ask for their claim and parents almost never include their names.
The sons' inheritenec rights is an unwritten rule. And you would be surprised that in many households the will is not even drafted, its a matter of fact that property will be divided amongst the sons, even the mothers are not included most of the times. Unless some one -say a daughter contests the will!
3. Women have many a constraints but the root cause of all constarints is MONEY FACTOR. Even if she is an earning person, do you think she can give away a part of earnings to her parents? Wdnt her in-laws and hubby object to it? Unless we are talking only Kerala, whr in some places we still have Matriachial system.
4. Exactly! A crime is a crime, I never said otherwise. Only that I found the NOVELTY of such a crime somewhat more disturbing than other crimes have affected me -of late!
5. If men as heads of the family can not impart right values to the family and fail to restrict such devious happenings, their role shd be restricted to earning and hand over all of it to wives.
6. What about husbands of those women? Im sure they can stop such women from ill treating their parents.
7. This point Mr pillai is open to a discussion on a major |
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| Posted by: Kanupriya Dutta | On: Friday, June 12, 2009 11:56:12 PM |
1 If the law exists in TN and Kerala, in any case such an incident wdnt have happened there.
2. It is not a question of inlcuding one more name in the will in states whr only the Paternal and Maternal property can be bequethed to the daughters and not the ancestral one. It is not much of a Black n White matter, a lot of emotional stuff goes into it. Let me talk about UP, daughters almost never ask for their claim and parents almost never include their names.
The sons' inheritenec rights is an unwritten rule. And you would be surprised that in many households the will is not even drafted, its a matter of fact that property will be divided amongst the sons, even the mothers are not included most of the times. Unless some one -say a daughter contests the will!
3. Women have many a constraints but the root cause of all constarints is MONEY FACTOR. Even if she is an earning person, do you think she can give away a part of earnings to her parents? Wdnt her in-laws and hubby object to it? Unless we are talking only Kerala, whr in some places we still have Matriachial system.
4. Exactly! A crime is a crime, I never said otherwise. Only that I found the NOVELTY of such a crime somewhat more disturbing than other crimes have affected me -of late!
5. If men as heads of the family can not impart right values to the family and fail to restrict such devious happenings, their role shd be restricted to earning and hand over all of it to wives.
6. What about husbands of those women? Im sure they can stop such women from ill treating their parents.
7. This point Mr pillai is open to a discussion on a major platform :) with a lot more participation required from BM. |
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| Posted by: Gt Gobalakrishna Pillai | On: Friday, June 12, 2009 11:15:10 PM |
@Kanak..
1.IN TN and Kerala,ancestral(paternal and maternal)men and women have equal rights..
2.its not the question of men or women asking for INCLUSION..ITS A "WILL".nobody (man or woman) can ask for their name's inclusion..ITS THE WILL OF THE GIVER..matter of the mind set of the giver.
3.why do you think all women have constraints and resistance in their in laws house..
4.a crime is a crime..may be male did it a female did it
5.I may be wrong to say "MEN ARE FORCED TO ILL TRAET WOMEN'
BUT WHAT ABT THE MILS and SILS..the root cause for the rifts..
6.what abt the women who throw their MIL to old age homes ..
7.you are right..may be male dominated country..
BUT THE HOMES ARE DOMINATED BY THE OTHER WAY... |
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| Posted by: Kanakrekha Chauhan | On: Friday, June 12, 2009 10:55:08 PM |
| Braj IT IS THE THIRD DEADLY SIN! One that truns a human being into an animal :( |
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| Posted by: Kanakrekha Chauhan | On: Friday, June 12, 2009 10:28:35 PM |
Gt
1 All over india the Hindu family law is the same- its not a matter of states.The ancestral property for sons only and the paternal property for both-sons and daughters. The point is -HOW MANY PEOPLE INCLUDE THEIR DAUGHTERS WHEN THEY MAKE A WILL? And not many daughters ask themselves to be included in the will. Its a matter of the mind set.
2 There are crimes and crimes - crimes motivated by greed, crimes of passion, debauchery etc etc but again the point is - It was in the papers a few days back and I found it disturbing -such an incident is not a common one - beating up one's mother for including sister in the property. it was shocking and most disgusting. And henec the motivatn to write abt it.
3 Looking after parents doesn;t necessarily mean helping them financially, isnt providing emotional support and looking after their day to day needs also taking care even if a daughter is not actiually living with them? And when you say things are changing -some people do prefer living with their daughters which was unheard of earlier and amounted to being a social stigma.
If given a choice most women would like to live with parents rather than in-laws but since thats not the convention, they do all they can despite all the constraints and resistance.
4 MILs SILs ....HA HA a man saying that 'MEN ARE FORCED TO ILL TREAT"? I think it is up to a man to be a man enough and stand for what is right and to stand by his convictions as to why he should not be influenced by other women so much so that he is forced to 'ill treat' another human being, who has left her own home to come to his only to be ill treated.
5. Sonia, Pratibha, Mamata, Sheila, Maya - not withstanding IT IS A MALE DOMINATED COUNTRY WITH ALL THE BIASES STILL QUITE STRONG. Diluted may be but still existant. |
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| Posted by: Gt Gobalakrishna Pillai | On: Friday, June 12, 2009 9:29:21 PM |
@Kanak..
1.in Tamil nadu and Kerala women have equal right in ancestral properties..there is no question of giving..its a right..
2.a brother beating her mother is an aberration.In Salem (TN)last month,a woman killed her mother for some extraneous reasons..these case are aberratons and cannot be generalised..they are not human beings..only animals..
3.How many "sacrificing great ladies" are looking after their parents
in the old ages..
why the society decides its the duty of the son to look after her parents in the old age..
4.what abt mother in laws,sister in laws who force a man to do all the ill treatment to another woman ...
5.Do you think still our country is a male dominated one.. only gender bias(either side) is there..
** WHILE ADMIRING YOUR MESMERISING NARRATION,YOUR VIEWS ARE EXAGARATED**
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| Posted by: Braj Mohan | On: Friday, June 12, 2009 9:10:10 PM |
| @Kanak: The woman-woman tussle was refferd in for the news that an old woman (mother) was beaten up by her son. How sameful is this that son beat his mother! This is sin. |
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| Posted by: Kanakrekha Chauhan | On: Friday, June 12, 2009 8:46:58 PM |
BRAJ -TRUE IT IS ALL ABT UPBRINGING AND THE DESIRE TO HAVE MORE N MORE.
AND NOT AS MUCH ABT WOMAN -WOMAN TUSSLE, ITS MORE ABT THE DAUGHTER NOT BEING CONSIDERED AS EQUAL TO SON. AS YOU RIGHTLY SAID, THE LAW EXISTS AS PER THE CONSTITION BUT IT HAS TO BR BROUGHT INTO PRACTICE WHICH REQUIRES A REVOLUTIONARY CHANGE IN OUR THINKING.
DURGESH THINGS ARE DEFINITELY CHANGING, ELSE A MOTHER WDNT HAVE THOUGHT OF INCLUDING THE DAUGHTER IN THE WILL. HOWEVER THE ISSUE IS A 'SOCIAL' ISSUE. AS THE LAW ALREADY EXISTS THAT A DAUGHTER IS AN EQUAL PARTNER IN THE PROPERTY.
SEE MY RESPONSE TO BRAJ.
HOWEVER THINGS HAVENT CHANGED WHEN YOU SEE NOT JUST INDIA BUT BHARAT AS WELL. WE CITY DWELLERS ARE FAR REMOVED FROM THE REAL INDIA THAT LIVES IN THE VILLAGES WHERE THINGS HVNT CHANGED MUCH. YES A SMALL % OF VILLAGES DO HAVE ELECTRICITY AND PPL HAVE MO BIKES AND CELL PHS. WHAT IS NEEDED IS THE CHANGE IN THE MIND SET. YOU'D BE SURPRISED A VERY MINISCULE % OF EDUCATED PPL ACTUALLY DIVIDE THEIR PROPERTY BET SONS AND DAUGHTERS! |
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| Posted by: Durgesh Shastri | On: Friday, June 12, 2009 7:47:38 PM |
kanak,
The society has changed a lot .There are such illiterate ,narrow minded people who still live in a era of their own or else the other argument can be "people are selfish and they dont like their parents property to be shared with either their brother or sister ".Its not a social issue at all ,it all depends on the upbringing of the parents and the mentality of the person involved. |
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| Posted by: Braj Mohan | On: Friday, June 12, 2009 7:44:01 PM |
Crude facts have been brought to light. Most of the time, the cause of suffering of the woman is woman only. Everyone has heard about the friction between the MIL vs DIL ( Sas vs Bahu), SIL vs SIL (Nanad vs Bhabhi). A number of television serials are based on this ego-clash/ friction between two women. If a woman accepts and understands the other woman in a house, then the house surely becomes a place like abode of Gods.
The socond way is the moral teachings of the of the children during their growing up period.
The law of the land is the ultimate way of giving justice to the woman. Women are fighting for their rights. As on date, A number of women are on the Power positions of India. |
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